Brown Arrow Reviews

87 reviews

These movies are so bad they’re must-watch films!

Brown Arrow

Battleship

You sank my franchise!  

Reviewed Feb 11, 2025
When mankind beams a radio signal into space, a reply comes from ‘Planet G’, in the form of several alien crafts that splash down in the waters off Hawaii. Lieutenant Alex Hopper is a weapons officer assigned to the USS John Paul Jones, part of an international naval coalition which becomes the world's last hope for survival as they engage the hostile alien force of unimaginable strength. While taking on the invaders, Hopper must also try to live up to the potential that his brother, and his fiancée's father—an Admiral—expect of him. Genres: Action, Adventure, Science Fiction, Thriller
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Body of Evidence

Unlike A Virgin

Reviewed Feb 2, 2024
When an elderly millionaire is found dead with cocaine in his system, his will leaves $8 million to Rebecca Carlson, who was having an affair with him. District attorney Robert Garrett decides to prosecute Rebecca, arguing that she deliberately engaged in wild sex with the old man to overexcite him and lead to his premature death. Defense attorney Frank Dulaney defends Rebecca in court while getting sucked into a dangerous affair with her. Genres: Drama, Romance, Thriller
Brown Arrow
Now Playing Approved

Piranha 3D

Lake Flaccid

Reviewed May 5, 2023
Each year the population of sleepy Lake Victoria, Arizona explodes from 5,000 to 50,000 residents for the annual Spring Break celebration. But then, an earthquake opens an underwater chasm, releasing an enormous swarm of ancient Piranha that have been dormant for thousands of years, now with a taste for human flesh. This year, there's something more to worry about than the usual hangovers and complaints from locals, a new type of terror is about to be cut loose on Lake Victoria. Genres: Comedy, Horror
Brown Arrow

Jingle All the Way

Don't let us be the kid who Christmas forgot--pledge today!

Reviewed Dec 9, 2022
Howard Langston, a salesman for a mattress company, is constantly kept busy at his job, disappointing his son. After he misses his son's karate exposition, Howard vows to make it up to him by buying an action figure of his son's favorite television hero for Christmas. Unfortunately for Howard, it is Christmas Eve, and every store is sold out of Turbo Man. Now, Howard must travel all over town and compete with everybody else to find a Turbo Man action figure. Genres: Adventure, Comedy, Family
Brown Arrow

The 6th Day

Total Remake

Reviewed Oct 11, 2022
A world of the very near future in which cattle, fish, and even the family pet can be cloned. But cloning humans is illegal - that is until family man Adam Gibson comes home from work one day to find a clone has replaced him. Taken from his family and plunged into a sinister world he doesn't understand, Gibson must not only save himself from the assassins who must destroy him to protect their secret, but uncover who and what is behind the horrible things happening to him. Genres: Action, Science Fiction, Thriller
Brown Arrow

Commando

He’s The Boss

Reviewed Aug 23, 2022
John Matrix, the former leader of a special commando strike force that always got the toughest jobs done, is forced back into action when his young daughter is kidnapped. To find her, Matrix has to fight his way through an array of punks, killers, one of his former commandos, and a fully equipped private army. With the help of a feisty stewardess and an old friend, Matrix has only a few hours to overcome his greatest challenge: finding his daughter before she's killed. Genres: Action, Adventure, Thriller